Monthly Archives: November 2013

On The Ellipsis

Why should Ellipsis get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smooshed under his big feet? What’s so great about Ellipsis? Hm? Period is just as cute as Ellipsis. Period is just as smart as Ellipsis. People totally like Period just as much as they like Ellipsis. […]

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On Being Best Friends With A “Cool Girl”

My best friend, M, is magnetic. Her charm knows no bounds. I love hanging out with her the night after she goes on a date and the guy is sending her text after text to see her again. When she doesn’t answer because we are too busy with more important things like rewatching Basketball Wives […]

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I Have Decided to Be Magnanimous

Since I cannot be with Drake, it is okay if he dates Rihanna instead. You take what you can get, right?

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On Transforming into a Morning Person

True to my Scorpio nature (just kidding [not really]), I’m all about changing myself for the better. Unless it’s too much work. Then I’m all about staying true to who I already am. That woman who taught herself how to dance in a year sent me into an hours-long tailspin of watching So You Think […]

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Someone Get Me a Xanax: On My Fear of Flying

I used to be very scared of flying. I was okay through my childhood and teenage years, but something changed in college. It happened when my family and I were returning to the states from Manchester a few summers ago. Out of nowhere, the plane dropped right out of the clouds and very nearly slammed […]

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Modeling: Not As Easy As It Looks

If you have seen even one season of America’s Next Top Model, you will hear these catwalk hopefuls tell Tyra, Queen of You and Everything Else Ever, “I had no idea modeling was this hard!” I have seen every episode of the show. Yes, I actually kept watching even when they came up with Pot […]

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Pinterest Is Appalling

My life is basically diametrically opposed to some of the most popular pins. Look, I’ve got proof: Pinterest version: In what universe does someone’s closet look like that? These are all bigger than my entire living room, kitchen, and bathroom combined. My version: Leaving my clothes in an “artful” heap on the floor. Look, this […]

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Spooked

When I feel like my life is low in its daily “I’m so terrified I’m now officially scared of shadows” quotient, I like to read stories about paranormal phenomena. Demons? Love ‘em. Ghosts? Yes, please make me scared to leave my closet open at night. If you know anything, you know that closets are a […]

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Help! He Flaunts a Picture of His Ex

“This new guy I’m seeing invited me over for the first time. As we were walking up the stairs, he sort of joked that he had a picture of his ex in his apartment, I guess so I would be prepared? I thought it was going to be in his living room, maybe on the […]

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On Parallel Universes

I told my boyfriend that it is much easier to not ask Drake to marry me because I know that in a parallel universe, Drake and I are actually very happy together. This was not as reassuring as I had hoped.

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On Black Beauty and NonCompliance

When I was around 14, my mom took me on a cruise around the Caribbean. We made friends with a family who had a girl around my age, Mandy. Mandy was adorable with shiny white blonde hair, enormous deep blue eyes and some stomach chub that she’d probably lose after puberty. I had just come […]

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I Am Drinking a Bud Light “Cran-brrr-rita”

Because I’m trying to rein in spending on food and alcohol and it was like $3.50 for 25 ounces. Thank you, Bud Light, for reminding me I am actually nowhere near being an adult. Big sigh of relief.

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If You Go Ghost, It Better Be Because You Actually Died

I recently went for drinks with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. She filled me in on the OkCupid guy she had been dating for a bit who just pulled a complete Houdini on her. At first, he went almost overboard with the amount of contact. Just reaching out to her all the […]

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Today on the Subway

I saw two beautiful baby boys with eyelashes they had obviously stolen from Disney Princesses. I stared at them so much I think their dad was getting nervous. They get to grow up with male privilege but ALSO with eyelashes that would make any photoshopped mascara ad hang its head in shame? That ain’t right.

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An Upworthy Video Worth Watching

This explains that twinge of sadness I felt when I was recently on a press trip in St. Lucia. We were staying at Jade Mountain, a resort that’s regularly at the top of numerous “best of” lists. I luckily scored the best “sanctuary” there, The Galaxy. “We don’t call them rooms,” joke-scoffed the staff member […]

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My Future Dog

As I tell anyone who will listen, my future dog will have hit the freaking jackpot. He will be a little shelter mutt with a face I can’t even conceive of right now that will tackle and squeeze my heart the second I see it. I will have a hard time naming him, but I […]

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Help! My Boyfriend Wants Morning Sex

“My boyfriend loves having sex in the morning, but I don’t. How can I make myself a morning person? Or make him not?” Listen, I’m with you. I personally cannot stand mornings and would like to see them universally abolished. Since you (probably, I don’t know your life) cannot travel back in time to the […]

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Thoughts While Getting Threaded

At a recent eyebrow threading appointment, as I suppressed yelps while the aesthetician mercilessly yanked hair off my face (sounds really barbaric when put like that, right?), I realized something: I keep my eyes open during the process. While the aesthetician is bearing down on my face, I’m always left wondering where to look and […]

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It’s a Blog!

I’m overjoyed to announce the arrival of my bouncing bundle of joy: This Is Just What My Face Looks Like! Weighing in at a hefty four sentences, she obviously loves bacon and ice cream (apart, never together) as much as her mom. Seriously though, welcome to my blog. Hope you’re ready to have some fun.

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