My Future Dog

As I tell anyone who will listen, my future dog will have hit the freaking jackpot.

He will be a little shelter mutt with a face I can’t even conceive of right now that will tackle and squeeze my heart the second I see it. I will have a hard time naming him, but I have a feeling it will be a short word, potentially inspired by some kind of meat product to showcase our shared love of food. The phrase “forever home” makes me want to cry, and I can’t wait to provide one for the right dog.

I love dogs so much that, even sober, I have urges to steal the various types that I see daily on the streets of New York. Luckily I realize that is seriously mean and also I can’t run very fast so I’d be in for some beatings and potentially light prosecution. So, I will wait until I find my perfect pup.

With December approaching, I have realized yet another thing I must do with my dog. Two words: Holiday. Portraits.

SO cheesy, I know! I fully own how disgustingly over the top it is. I do promise to find a comfortable ugly holiday sweater for him. If  he has to be subjected to the indignity of this project, I will make sure that he can at least do it itch-free. This will also be beneficial to me, because you can bet your ASS we will be matching.


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