Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Look at Vaginas All Day

“My boyfriend is doing his med school rotations and has discovered he really likes the Ob/Gyn experience. He says he particularly loves the idea of bringing babies into the world. We’ve been together for years, but it never crossed my mind that he’d consider this as a profession. I’m getting freaked out! Is this a red flag?”

Oh, you poor thing. I would be remiss if I didn’t give you this crucial piece of advice first: go get a glass of wine. No, seriously. Stop reading right now and go pour yourself an Olivia Pope-style, could double as a fishbowl serving of vino. Are you back? Ready? Okay, let’s do this.

First off, it’s very sweet that he is on a mission to bring babies into the world. Unless they’re his babies. That he fathers in empty check-up rooms with hot young residents.

Sorry, sorry. I already admitted I’m never going to get over Grey’s Anatomy, so I just had to go there. Thankfully, your life is not a nighttime soap that, as resilient as a headless cockroach, stubbornly refuses to die. I’m sure that scenario won’t actually happen to you.

You’ve got to consider a few things here. First of all, him wanting to be a vagina doctor could actually mean he’s an incredible human being. If he’s doing it because he knows women routinely struggle with subpar reproductive healthcare, that’s impressive. That immediately means he isn’t a dudebro with a minimal understanding of women’s issues. Maybe he wants to combat the slutshaming, absurd refusal to administer IUDs, and general asshattery that many women have to endure at their Ob/Gyns. If so, you need to get down on one knee and propose to him now. And I hope you’re okay with us being sister wives, because I may do the same. So, ask him what it is that he actually likes about it, beyond the whole ushering new life onto the planet thing. He should be totally receptive to thoroughly explaining his motivations. Anyone with a brain would understand why this could make their significant other uncomfortable. If his reasoning is anything like the above, just think of it as your boyfriend spelunking in other women’s caves of wonder in the name of feminism.

Another thing to contemplate is your boyfriend’s general level of creepiness. You’ve known him for a while, but it’s still good to spend some time being as objective as possible about who he is. A guy would have to be a colossal freak to go through like seven extra years of homework and thousands of dollars, all to see vaginas (as magnificent as they are). Like, hello, why not just take that money to a strip club? It would be pathological. Unfortunately, there are some really sick people out there, so you do have to at least entertain the thought. Ask yourself a few things: Does his tongue practically unfurl like a Fruit Roll-Up (<333) when he sees a hot woman on the street? If you checked his internet history, do you suspect you’d find tons of links? More than a totally regular normal not weird at all individual (ahem) should have? Does he frequently stare into your eyes so intensely it seems like he wants to pluck them out and carry them around, so you’ll never be apart? These are vital questions.

Ultimately, can you imagine a life without him? It’s okay if it’s just a straight up deal breaker. I’m sure tons of women would feel like that, and I wouldn’t judge you. But since lots of male Ob/Gyns are married, there’s also evidence that many women have learned to cope with their men polishing someone else’s fine china as a profession. If you really love him, and his heart is in the right place, maybe you can learn to be okay with it, too. Also, it helps to be realistic. It’s not like he’ll have a constant stream of Victoria’s Secret models fresh off a shoot in Aruba, all hot and bothered by the thought of being probed like they just got abducted by aliens. As long as he’s a good guy, I don’t think you have much to worry about.

Have a love, sex, or relationship question? Send it to and I’ll do my best to answer it here.


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