8 Things I Said While Watching the World Cup
I’ve never been much of a sports fan. What I do love, however, is ardent displays of national pride, attractive men, and the kind of athleticism that makes me want to spend the rest of my life in a gym. So, naturally, I got pretty into the World Cup. It doesn’t hurt that B’s obsession means I ended up grudgingly watching a ton of games, only to get scarily passionate about them halfway through. Since I’m newly into soccer, I made a few observations that probably wouldn’t have occurred to a more seasoned fan. Here are my most astute reflections:
- “Ugh, it’s so hot out there. Why are they playing?” In my defense, I get so incredibly cranky when it’s hot outside that I can’t imagine actually playing a sport in that weather. If I see people running in the middle of summer, I put myself in their shoes, immediately experience vicarious heatstroke and become enraged.
- “Aw, imagine how proud their parents are!” Thinking about this always warms my insides. It’s like those Olympics commercials that feature moms cheering on their kids who go on to become sports stars. I’m tempted to watch a few on YouTube, but I don’t feel like crying right now.
- “That one looks like the ultimate frat bro.” This was about the German goalie, Manuel Neuer. Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll tell you you’re a liar.
- “Have any of the coaches gotten into fistfights? No? That would be fun.” What? It would.
- “Ooooh, I like his hair!” Said whenever I spotted a man bun. That glorious hairstyle instantly made me want to root for whichever team it belonged to.
- “His mismatched cleats are stunning. Don’t you think? Why don’t normal people do that?” The ones I swooned over most were cobalt blue and a perfect, brilliant coral. B didn’t even realize some of them wear different shoes until the semifinals. Mars, Venus, etc.
- “No, no, change the channel! I hate when they get so sad.” Seeing grown men cry because their dreams have been shattered breaks my heart.
- “They should all play shirtless.” I will forever stand by this statement.